Cheyenne Whitaker - Online Memorial Website

Today I am here alone without my kids. They are getting away from me, forging their own path. I love my Noche Tranquillo (Benji). I am thinking of happy things we did together. Like speaking Chinese till we couldn't stop! so much laughter! You with your Chef's hat and Kinzu knives!! Love looking at the old pictures. We had so much fun when you were little. All the baseball games, soccer, love of the same music (til you went to Vermont). dancing on NY Eve when we were sober, and drinking Margaritas when we weren't! Still enjoy those....but not very often anymore. I've got to make something of this day. there are some crazy windblown icicles out there that you would love. Benji barks at them b/c he doesn't know what they are. haha. Russ and Lucille still think of you. They hike up every year. Dakota said he felt your presence right behind him when he hiked up to where you had your last run. We knew it was you.Til tomorrow...
Love Always.....Mom

My Sweet Cheyenne,
More than ever I need to get to a place where I am happy. I wonder what life would be like if you and I went to live in Cayman with your Dad. I know he would love having you there as a grown man. You could have your glass blowing shop and we would do well there. Everyone would see how you look just like a younger version of your Dad. They would say, "You look just like your Dad, Cheyenne". I wish we stayed together to live our dream. There would be a grand child by now. Jazzy has gone on to have a couple more kids. I think it would make me too sad and angry to go there without you. I don't think I could handle it emotionally...the loss of your spirit, the loss of the dream. I am trying to downsize and get rid of stuff so I am not so bogged down w/ things. I was only able to get rid of a few of your things. Even clothes that you would have left behind were hard for me. So sentimental am I with my attachments. Venus in Cancer. Well, I miss you everyday. Did I tell you I saw a cloud formation in the sky? I drew a picture so I'd remember. A lobster with one claw out holding a starfish! I knew it was you. It must have been in a summer sky. No more for now..getting too sad. Love, as always....me

here I sit, all alone. your brother is of no help, as usual. Dottie called with some words of inspiration. It is Christmas Eve, thirty years after the day you were born. I was so hopeful, so full of joy. I am no longer in that mode. Everything has gotten worse, witha capital W. Nothing to do on Christmas Eve; not the magical night it always was for us. No more Santa, no more leaving a note with cookies and milk; just an empty void. No horses going by with bells on; nada. I wish I wasn't here anymore..living this life I don't want to be in . Stuck without you; the twins going in their seperate directions. I hate it. I hate all of it. Why pretend anymore? I want to be speaking in Spanish, living in another culture, another country. Swimming, really living, not just existing. I hate this, It is not me. Just goin nowhere fast. On the road to who-knows -where. The best times are past. That I am sure of. The family is falling apart rapidly. It seems we struggle to find anything in common anymore. I hate the cold winter; yearn for the warm Caribbean. I need to get there. Show me a way. I do not belong in Vermont anymore. My body and soul scream to get out of here. I can't pretend anymore. I just Hate it here without you. Shayna has become more distant. I have Benji now (Noche Tranquillo) to look after, and he will look after me. I am so sad. Somehow we will find a path. Please lead us to that path. It is so lonely. tears cloud my vision of the keyboard. I don't know what is going to save us, but something will. I know you will come thru for me, Shiny. Just guide Mom to the right place, and quickly please. I guess you are an Avatar after all. So help Mom find the lright place to life on this Earth. Surely it is not here. I am just wasting my time here. I do not truly feel alive unless I am in the Islands. Mom loves you always..til we meet again...we are old souls..we will make it. Stay strong and send me some of your strength along the way. Missing you so..but I know you are there. Love always and forever, Mom